What Do You Want From Me?

Or...The Whole Reason I'm Writing This Blog

Recently a friend, who I've been nagging about reading this blog, finally read it. Her response was a bit unexpected. The first question she had for me was, "What Do You Want?". I hadn't thought about that. What do I want from having this blog? Why am I pouring my head out on these posts? After pondering for a couple days, I think I finally have an answer, and it's not as simple as I thought.



There's a few reasons I'm doing this. Firstly, I'm writing this for my own sake. A personal journal of my thoughts on this whacky transition. This is my outlet for my obsession. For over a week now, it's been a challenge to think of anything else but the RV, what I plan to do with it, what I need to do before I get it, how much more money I need to put together to buy it, imagining the possibilities of small space living. This blog serves as my sounding board, my willing set of ears to plug all of these thoughts into so they can be analyzed, sorted, organized, and dissected. Without this outlet, I think the enormity of this plan would have driven me far too close to insane.

The blog is also an outreach for emotional support. As I wrote a few days ago, I'm prone to giving up out of desperation, especially on expensive projects. If I don't have the money RIGHT NOW or can't do it RIGHT NOW, then I tend to not try at all, for the feeling of If I can't do it now, it'll be too hard to do it later. This, I already know, is self-deprecating and not true, but it's the way my warped little brain works. This blog, through it's public nature, is a counter for that. Just by seeing the page visits rise, I feel better about my chances, I feel like I CAN do this, even if I have to do it months down the line, and that's not counting the comments I've been getting here, in person, and on Facebook. The overwhelming majority have responded with positivity that I don't think I could have even gotten this far without. This blog is my way of begging for that positivity, for that support, that you've all given, some of you without knowing it.

I'd almost be lying if I didn't include the Indiegogo Campaign to help me raise funds for the RV project. I don't know that it's true, but in my head, I imagine that this blog helps serve as an advertisement for collecting donations. By reading the blog, you see that I'm not just pandering, I'm not just wistfully dreaming, but working and planning towards this dream, and that would imbue some confidence in you to donate knowing that the money donated will actually go towards what I say it will go towards. Whether or not this is actually the case, it's part of how I see this blog serving a purpose.

This blog is my record keeping, my journal, my advertisement, my begging for a dollar and a hand to hold, my accounting, my memoirs, and my listening post. So what do I want from you? I want you to help, with any of the above. If you can, donate to the fund. If can't, keep reading. Comment and question and praise and criticize. Enjoy the ride. Every time the visit counter goes up one, I know someone is following on this insane journey with me, and that support, that is the encouragement that I need above everything else.

Thank you.

-Z